Character profile #2: Sweet Dee
3 comments written by Gary on February 2nd, 2008 under Character profiles
Born Deandra Reynolds, Sweet Dee is considered by most to be the less-attractive, black sheep twin sister of Dennis Reynolds. She’s been constantly barraged with insults of being ugly, a whore, having 5-head, and crow’s feet, among others. But not you. You think she’s hot don’t you, you fucking deviant? You think world-class whore Sweet Dee is cute and you don’t understand why no one else does? That’s probably because you haven’t been laid in 3 years. It’s ok, we haven’t been either.
Ok, fine, we might sorta think she’s half cute too. And, even though Gary hates to say this: “I think we should talk about the breasts.”
Perhaps Dee brings all the criticism on herself, when she’s ’sitting in her cloud of judgment, passing down life lessons to all the sinners.’ She constantly refers to her brother Dennis as ‘vain,’ or ‘a horrible person.’ She also calls Mac an asshole, but is usually relatively easy on sweet, innocent, and downright awesome Charlie, with the occasional exception of threatening to punch a hole through his face, or pushing him onto a car. Dee’s horribly judgmental attitude is likely an effect of her time in Psychology classes at Penn. She failed all her classes…
Character profile #1: Charlie Kelly
4 comments written by Cooper on January 29th, 2008 under Character profiles
He’s the dyslexic, highly illiterate, glue huffing, and quite possibly retarded part owner of Paddy’s Pub. But we all know that those are just traits of any entrepreneur good. After all didn’t Bill Gates sell like half his Microsoft shares for a sandwich too? No? Weird.
While he’s referred to a “volatile loser who displays little ability to cope with day-to-day problems” on Wikipedia. We know that’s bullshit cause the only people who edit Wikipedia are volatile losers who display little ability to cope with day-to-day problems. Whatever the fuck that means, losers. It also says he is known to be poor and live in a filthy “shit hole.” Well guess what Wikipedia? You’re poor and live in a filthy shit hole you damn non-profit.
The part is played by Charlie Day, who is without a doubt the funniest fucker on TV. Ever. Some people may disagree. Then again, some people watch Mind of Mencia.
Seriously, some people do.
I know you think I’m kidding, but it’s true.
Still don’t believe me? Whatevs. Here are some hand picked choice quotes from the man of hour:
I’m gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass. Gonna kick some ass in the USA. Gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. I’m gonna kick some butt, gonna drive a big truck. I’m gonna rule this world. I’m gonna kick some ass. I’m gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass. Rock, flag, and eagle!
Viet-goddamn-nam is what happened! Go get me a beer, bitch!
This is America! You can’t just come in here and steal our land from us!
That’s politics bitch!
We’ll have plenty more posts with dope Charlieisms, just don’t go nowhere!