Mac vs. Tom Brady: The Showdown
1 comment written by Gary on February 4th, 2008 under Real world Sunny
With the recent humbling of Tom Brady in Super Bowl XLII (that’s 42, for those of you that aren’t 872 years old), you’ve probably been wondering, could Mac kick Tom Brady’s baby smooth ass? We’ve probably been thinking about it more than you, cause we’re awesomer then you.
In the opening of the episode “The Gang Finds a Dead Guy” (Season 1, Episode 6 - Download it from Amazon), we find Mac and Sweet Dee entering the bar one morning arguing over whether or not Mac could kick Tom Brady’s ass. Naturally, the ‘ripped’ Mac thinks he wouldn’t have a problem, while ‘woman’ Dee thinks Brady would destroy Mac. It should be noted that Mac is likely bitter that his Philadelphia Eagles lost in Super Bowl XXXIX to Brady’s Patriots.
Let’s be honest. But not too honest, cause we’re not hippies. Most men out there probably wouldn’t mind kicking Brady’s ass, if for nothing more than pure jealousy (for the record, this blogger would never harm his fellow Wolverine Alum). Up until losing the ‘07 AFC Championship Game to corporate slut Peyton Manning, Brady was bullet-proof. He was banging Bridget Moynahan, had 3 Super Bowls under his belt, and he put the ‘man’ in ‘Gentleman’s Quarterly.’ Even his cleft chin, considered a negative trait to some, perfectly matched his chiseled features (tuck boner into waistband now).
Then, things took a turn towards the shitter. Moynahan pulled the goalie to try for ‘da old keep-a-nigga baby,’ Brady lost to aforementioned pussy Manning, things weren’t looking so hot. Then he bagged Gisele, and Pats went on quite a roll, despite Spygate. Everything seemed right in the Tom Brady universe until 2/3/08, when the heavily-favored Patriots shit the bed against the NY Giants.
Winner after the jump!
Character profile #2: Sweet Dee
3 comments written by Gary on February 2nd, 2008 under Character profiles
Born Deandra Reynolds, Sweet Dee is considered by most to be the less-attractive, black sheep twin sister of Dennis Reynolds. She’s been constantly barraged with insults of being ugly, a whore, having 5-head, and crow’s feet, among others. But not you. You think she’s hot don’t you, you fucking deviant? You think world-class whore Sweet Dee is cute and you don’t understand why no one else does? That’s probably because you haven’t been laid in 3 years. It’s ok, we haven’t been either.
Ok, fine, we might sorta think she’s half cute too. And, even though Gary hates to say this: “I think we should talk about the breasts.”
Perhaps Dee brings all the criticism on herself, when she’s ’sitting in her cloud of judgment, passing down life lessons to all the sinners.’ She constantly refers to her brother Dennis as ‘vain,’ or ‘a horrible person.’ She also calls Mac an asshole, but is usually relatively easy on sweet, innocent, and downright awesome Charlie, with the occasional exception of threatening to punch a hole through his face, or pushing him onto a car. Dee’s horribly judgmental attitude is likely an effect of her time in Psychology classes at Penn. She failed all her classes…
How to make a Grilled Charlie
9 comments written by Cooper on January 31st, 2008 under Charlieisms
Have you ever wanted to be Charlie? Nope, neither have we. BUT, have you ever wanted to eat like Charlie. Absolutely not, that is repulsive, right? While, in case you’re not the sharpest crayon in the box, I have decoded the the directions for making Charlie’s very own: Grilled Charlie.
It’s key to remember this when making it -
A Grilled Charlie has peanut butter LAST!
Peanut butter outside, chocolate inside. Butter inside, cheese outside!”
While exact amounts aren’t discussed, I’ll give you the low down what you’ll need:
Ingredient list
2 slices bread (absolutely not homemade!)
Chocolate sauce
Butter
Cheese (Cheddar or American)
Peanut butter
Strap on your bike helmet, nope that’s backwards champ, and let’s begin.
Instructions
First things first, you’re gonna fire up a pan on medium heat, and while that’s heating we’ll put the sandwich together.
With your two pieces of bread out, generously squirt some chocolate sauce on one side and butter up the other. Put the pieces of bread together, chocolate/butter sides in towards each other. On the outside of both sides lay some cheese and top with peanut butter. Throw it on the pan, flip, and consume. Best if eaten with ill fitting sweat pants.
Did you actually make one? Post it up in the comments bitch!
PS. If you haven’t seen this episode, it’s from Season 2 Episode 2 - The Gang Goes Jihad. Which you can download from Amazon.com for under 2 bucks!
Update: Woops! I had said this was Season 3 Episode 6, but it’s really Season 2 Episode 2.
Character profile #1: Charlie Kelly
4 comments written by Cooper on January 29th, 2008 under Character profiles
He’s the dyslexic, highly illiterate, glue huffing, and quite possibly retarded part owner of Paddy’s Pub. But we all know that those are just traits of any entrepreneur good. After all didn’t Bill Gates sell like half his Microsoft shares for a sandwich too? No? Weird.
While he’s referred to a “volatile loser who displays little ability to cope with day-to-day problems” on Wikipedia. We know that’s bullshit cause the only people who edit Wikipedia are volatile losers who display little ability to cope with day-to-day problems. Whatever the fuck that means, losers. It also says he is known to be poor and live in a filthy “shit hole.” Well guess what Wikipedia? You’re poor and live in a filthy shit hole you damn non-profit.
The part is played by Charlie Day, who is without a doubt the funniest fucker on TV. Ever. Some people may disagree. Then again, some people watch Mind of Mencia.
Seriously, some people do.
I know you think I’m kidding, but it’s true.
Still don’t believe me? Whatevs. Here are some hand picked choice quotes from the man of hour:
I’m gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass. Gonna kick some ass in the USA. Gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. I’m gonna kick some butt, gonna drive a big truck. I’m gonna rule this world. I’m gonna kick some ass. I’m gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass. Rock, flag, and eagle!
Viet-goddamn-nam is what happened! Go get me a beer, bitch!
This is America! You can’t just come in here and steal our land from us!
That’s politics bitch!
We’ll have plenty more posts with dope Charlieisms, just don’t go nowhere!
Danny Devito’s contract revealed!
no comments written by Cooper on January 29th, 2008 under Videos
Just kidding, this is much more exciting than that. Just watch:
Danny’s a crafty son of bitch, eh?
Heyyy-ohhh, what’s up bitches?
1 comment written by Cooper on January 29th, 2008 under Site news
Just kidding. I don’t really give a shit about you.
But you probably care about me, so allow me to introduce myself and what critics are referring to as “the worst piece of internet, ever”. It’s ok, I know what they were trying to say, “that blog sucks” and I get that.
I’m Cooper, the average looking and slightly retarded champ that masterminded this little (probably copyright infringing) operation. While I may not have any “formal” training in journalism, or writing, or anything really. I am an enthusiastic young man with a 3rd grade education and an IQ slightly higher than 60. Which according to the certificate I bought from them, is only mild mental retardation. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mensa.
With the third season recently over, and the fourth season in limbo because the writers want to be paid for their work or something completely irrational like that, I couldn’t help but think to myself: what better time to start a blog about this show? Ok, there are probably at least ten other times that would have been better to start this blog, but screw it.
So, sit back, then scooch your chair in a little bit closer cause it’s hard to read the screen when you’re head is far away from the screen, and try to figure out how I made it this far in life.